Flosso smoking: All villains smoke, we know this, yes?
Simon: And who are you?
Flosso: I'm the villain.
I heard that you learned how to play guitar from...
It was Sir Isaac Newton, actually. interrogate me o-o
“You can’t hate someone whose story you know.” Most of the time when I get to know someone I learn to hate them. Recently I met this girl and immediately knew I didn’t care for her. Our first impressions made me want to punt a puppy into a woodchipper. However a mutual friend told me some things about her and I found out that we’re all too similar. It’s funny...
I was half in love with her by the time we sat down. That’s the thing about...– The Catcher in the Rye, J.D. Salinger (via: elicec) (via quote-book) (via rileysaurus)
Facebook: It's Malina's birthday today!
Kat on Malina's wall: I do believe it is the anniversary of your graduation from the womb. Congrats.
Sybil: Where the hell have you been? You haven't been online in days.
Kat: A new Pokemon game came out, I've been trying to beat it.
Kat: I wish I were joking.
Sybil: . . . nerd.
I always plan a trip to run away when I’m mad. This time it’d cost under three grand to leave for a week.
I love morning execution, don’t you?– Queen of Hearts; Alice in Wonderland
Your pretentious attitude makes me want to punch a child.
Remi: Can I have Ketchup?
Teppanyaki Chef: This isn't BK - you can't have it your way.
Normally Anonymous ... →
normallyme: Normally I dream about working at the Dunder Mifflin Paper Company.
Go to Nintendo World … And then get a life. D;
Briana: Spawn of Satan
Kat: Born and raised
Paul: That reminds me of when I fell out a tree. . .
Kathy: You fell out a tree?
Paul: More than once.
Kat: I guess the first time wasn't enough.
Normally Kate ... →
normallyme: Normally I want to punt children into a woodchipper but my nephew’s all right.
Would you please put some pants on? I feel weird having to ask you twice.– Phil; The Hangover
There’s nothing worse than getting to where you’ve been missing and then realizing all too late no one is waiting for you.
I will kick you so hard… my foot will break off in your pelvis and...– Professor Layton
Typical FML Spiel
Well. This week sucked. After canceling plans to go visit friends up north and have some fun for a fzkin’ change, I find out I have a mountain of schoolwork to move into a state of completion. On Thursday, in between changing guitar strings and playing Pokémon games, I wrote up a schedule that I would have all my work finished by Sunday afternoon. And of course Murphy’s Law was promptly put...
I was apologising for not being perfect.
stuffmygirlfriendsays: “Aw baby! Sometimes you’re a dipshit, but you’re never a douchebag.”
A guy and a girl can be just friends, but at one point or another, they will...– Dave Matthews (via yourstrulylp) (via kari-shma) (via athousandtimesyes)
Multiple Choice question: ¿Qué harías con mucho dinero? (What would you do with alot of money?) A. Mi madre Iría al trabajo. (My mother would go to work) B. Compraría un carro. (I would buy a car.) C. Vendería su casa. (I would sell my house) D. Viajaría a lugares muchos. (I would travel many places) I picked B but the answer’s D. wth ffff I hate online education.
Texas Inmate Made Up To 70 Trips To Wal-Mart →
smart-tart: (via the Statesman) Skyler Steddum for Governor. Seriously. This kid dyed his white prison uniform with coffee so that it would look like mechanics’ coveralls and busted out of jail 70 times before he was caught. He clearly has 20 or 30 IQ points on Gov. Goodhair, so why the hell not?
My home is a sanction of sad. I need a vacation D: @Briana: I’m coming for you >[
I love Tyra :)
Anisa: 'Cuz you know, in Bible school...you be throwin' Bibles.
Tyra: Oh yeah! And that concession bread!
Me: ...you mean communion?
The Most Valuable Advice I'll Ever Give to a Hobo →
Every man is born an original, but sadly, most men die copies.– Honest Abe Lincoln (via tylerknott)
I feel a groundation coming on.
Well, as far as I know
post office clerk: Puerto Rico is not international, baby, it's domestic.
me: Oh yeah, I was wondering about that--
clerk: No you weren't, you were TESTING me, seein' if I would catch it. Well, I did.
me: Ha, okay, if you say so.
clerk: Now, where is THIS? (points to the envelope)
clerk: That's not a made up place?
At Michael’s moment of realization, he could have saved his own life, but...– Robert Greene